Well I went to see him

Stupid isn't it? I was more nervous about going to visit my captain in hospital than I had been about going on my first mission. Admittedly, it hadn't been a solo mission, but still. I guess it was because I wasn't sure about him yet. I know I'm supposed to be able to trust him with my life, the rest of my team too, but I'm not like that. I don't dare trust anyone with my life except myself. I wish... Well, I can't change how I am. I can only try to trust the others at least a little so that maybe I don't come across as strange or incompetent. He seemed nice enough, sure, but that means nothing, absolutely nothing. Not to me anyway. He could still, as far as I'm concerned, suddenly leap at me and try to kill me. It's happened often enough in the past. People I thought I could trust, including my boyfriend in the orphanage, suddenly and unexpectedly trying to murder me. I wish it could have panned out differently, I wish I could trust him. I'd like to, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
Anyway, I went to see him in hospital. And I managed not to freak out and leg it before I reached his ward. He was sitting up, his curly red hair all over the place, smiling (don't think I've ever seen him without a smile on his face) and although he seemed perhaps a little pale, he didn't look too bad. His smile broadened when he saw me, and he told me to pull up a chair. I did so. I think he could tell I was on edge, because he spent the first few moments smiling at me reassuringly and saying that I wasn't in trouble or anything. He asked if I was ok, wanted to see my arm, so I showed him. He reckoned I'd got more stitches than him, a lot more, and maybe it was true. He said he'd be back in tomorrow, but thought I perhaps ought to take a day off. I refused. He checked up on my medicine, and I.... Well, I had to admit that I didn't have a clue what it was the doctor had given me or when I had to take it or anything because I couldn't read. He was surprised, that's for certain. I admitted it all, that I struggled with computers, signs, the lot, because I couldn't read at all, despite having tried to learn many times over.
"Well," Red said after a long pause. "It explains one or two things." I knew what he was thinking of. I'd got lost despite the map he'd drawn for me, I handed over notes rather than reading them to him. I guess he'd assumed it was shyness or something, but now it all made sense to him. "It doesn't affect your performance any that I can see though. You've still got an uncanny ability to see patterns in data where most of us wouldn't see any." He was talking about the mission reports we'd been asked to have a look at. I'd spotted a few things, similarities, that none of the others had even looked for. "And your fighting skills.... You've got guts, that's for certain. You wound up with the biggest demon of the lot, probably the leader as he seemed to have the best fighting skills. I guess you're wondering why I asked for you to come here." I nodded, because I was wondering, I'd been wondering right from the start why he wanted to speak to me in particular, when he'd known the others in his team for far longer. "Truth is, I needed to talk to someone, and you were the best person I could think of. You haven't had time to form any strategic alliances, or anything like that. You aren't particularly influenced by the opinions of others, you wind up on the brunt end of any tensions in the team because you're new and because they have an extra excuse to hate you."
"I don't get you," I admit. What's he saying? That he trusts me more than the rest of the team? That can't be right, I've not even been there a week yet.
"It's complex. You may have noticed that Imran is.... Well, he's not the easiest of people to get along with. He's undermining my authority in the team, and there're complicated political things. We were all together under another captain, who was killed during a mission like the one today. Imran was the accepted choice of successor, but our captain ordered me to take over as his strength was fading away. Imran said this was only because he was slightly injured, and I wasn't, but Gabriel decided that he wasn't entirely happy with Imran's record and so appointed me as captain. Ever since then he's been challenging my authority in small ways, and most of the others, in fact all of them apart from Simeon, supported him over me." Red shrugged, but I could see that it was something that weighed heavily upon him, especially because Simeon had just been killed, because he wasn't smiling any more. "I just kind of wanted to warn you I guess. It's important that you know how things stand. I don't care who you support. In fact, I recommend you support Imran, he's got the whole team behind him. As for me... I'm going to apply to be either transferred to another team or resign my captaincy."
"I'm with you," I said, surprising myself by how convinced I sounded, how completely certain, when I wasn't really. I knew why though. "Imran hates me. There's no way I'm sticking with someone like him anyway."
Red nodded slowly, and a smile spread slowly across his face again. "Thanks Nutmeg. You did well today. If I do move teams, I'll make sure you come with me." I smile back, and then a nurse came in and shooed me away, saying that too much excitement wasn't good for his patient. Red made a wry face at me and I laughed before leaving. It felt so good to laugh, the first time I have done properly in ages. I haven't had all that much to laugh about in my life, and when I came up to heaven last year I was too nervous and afraid to laugh at much. I think I do trust him you know. Certainly more than anyone else I've met recently. Maybe not at the 'throw my life in his hands' stage, but I trust him, sure.